A Sexless Marriage Can Change,
It will take your understanding.

If you're in a sexless marriage I feel for you.  As a guy marriage sex is a very important part of my relationship.

When it's missing, it's like your relationship has a very large hole in the center of it.

But you must understand the lack of sex is not really the problem. Again this is only an indicator that something is very wrong in your relationship.

You won't always have a sexless marriage. 

I will let you in on my life; I hope my wife will understand. Marriage Sex is a very important and intimate part of our relationship. Not only is it a way we can show our love for the other person, but it also lets us feel accepted. When it's missing for one or both parties it usually means the relationship is broken in some way.

My wife and I had a very active and healthy relationship when it came to marriage sex and intimacy.

Did you notice I said I had? I knew that sex was becoming a less frequent part of our life. And of course like most people I was blaming her, for not wanting to initiate it more. I didn't understand at the time that this was an indication something was very wrong. It wasn't until we were in Mexico on vacation, that the reality actually hit me.  Before we left we had already talked about separating when we returned home. 

I knew that my wife had already planned to move into an apartment.   At this point I was still in denial, I figured if we had a good time on our vacation maybe she wouldn't leave. In hindsight, I don't believe this was her plan at all.

To make a very long story short, we did have sex but Earth shattering is not a word I would use.  She cried afterwards, and this is when the light switch turned on for me.  We started talking; she explained to me that “she was feeling like it was her job”.  I said to her, “I wish I had known you felt this way”. I knew that sex has become less frequent, I never really understood why.

Okay now this is important, you need to listen.  If you're spouse refrains from having sex as often as they used to, don't try to make them feel guilty.  Instead have some understanding and compassion, figure out why.  There's no way for me to actually know what the dynamics of your relationship is.  One thing that I can tell you with certainty, if marriage sex is lacking something's wrong.

There are lots of couples in sexless marriages. Your relationship is no different than mine; we never want to be told what to do.  We don't mind it when asked to do something, including sex.  But if you feel it’s expected, you will resist.

Like everything else that I had mentioned, this also takes time and patience.  It's been a long time coming and the healing process is slow.  Try not to push your spouse into having sex or anything that they don't want to do.  All you will accomplish is to slow down the healing. If you want the intimacy to come back, it's best to respect their wishes. 

When you can re-create the love the sex will automatically return, but sex will not create love.  Your spouse will react to the good things you do for them.  It may be something as simple as taking out the trash or watching the kids. 

Look for things that they feel they do by themselves, things that they have mentioned you seldom do.  These will have the biggest impact.  If your wife seldom gets to go out by herself, you might suggest she take a night and you’ll watch the kids.

Little things can make very big differences, don't overlook them.  If you complain about your husband going out with his friends, tell him to have a good time.  Or maybe it's the house that needs cleaning, just do it, don't complain or look for something in return.  These little things will add up to one big thing someday, but give it time.

Don't settle for a sexless marriage, change it! 

Remember I told you time is on your side.  You probably think that you're wasting time, but you will find out someday it was well spent.

If you don't want a sexless marriage, do something about it. 

And like always, if you can think of a question I missed please ask me.  My intentions are to have the best website I can possibly make.  And I need your help to accomplish this goal. 

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