Creating Separation Rules,
Is the first step toward a better direction for your marriage.
Establishing some separation rules is very important; you should try to do this with your spouse. You don't want to put pressure on them. So keep the conversation light, it's in your best interest. You're going to want to keep a dialogue going between the two of you. Because you're the one reading this, I'm assuming you're not the one who wants the separation rules. If you're like me you’re trying to do all the work to make things better in your relationship, that's typical. But it's not always helpful; you need to make them come halfway to meet you. Right now they're probably not willing to do a whole lot. That's okay the time will come, let's just try not to make too many mistakes along the way. If you have to do the work all the time by yourself, this will finally drain you of all your energy. And when the opportunity comes to rebuild, you'll be done. That's not what we want to happen, so back off a bit for now. Make separation rules your spouse will live with, it won't do you any good if they will abide by them. Here are some good guidelines for you to follow in setting separation rules.
Number one…….. And this may be the most important thing; I didn't do a good job with this one. If your spouse wants to be separated, you need to be separated. It's going to be hard but you need to stay away from them and give them space. My wife told me she never felt like she had her separation. This made it last much longer than I think it might've had to. It's okay to return phone calls but keep it short and to the point. Don't send flowers or cards, this only will make them feel like you're not letting go. It won't work; it has the opposite effect of your intent. Number two….. Ask if they will agree not to date anyone else during your separation. If you can both agree to this, that's great. If they don't agree, it's not the end of the world. Maintain your composure and agree. Think about this, what good it can do to fight it. Your spouse will become just as worried as you are about somebody else interfering in your relationship. I'm not giving you the go ahead to date, I don't think it's wise, but they don't need to know that you're not. Number three…… limit the amount of contact you have with your spouse. Don't invite them out for dinner, or to meet you for lunch. The purpose of the separation is to give you some space, more importantly you want them to miss you. They won't miss you if you're always around. Number four……. If you have children decide how visitations will work. The less confusion there is the better off everyone will be. And please don't bad mouth your spouse in front of your children. I know that you're hurting, but letting your children know what your spouse is or isn't doing will not do you or them any good. And will cause your kids to feel the same pain that you're feeling, do you really want that for them?
Number five……. Try and set some sort of timetable on how long you believe the separation needs to last. Let your spouse dictate this timetable. If you try to set it will only come across as controlling, it has to be there idea. You want the separation to work for you don't you? Then follow these guidelines I have laid out. If you try to control this situation you will get just the opposite you’re looking for. Number six…… live your life! If you would like to be more attractive to your spouse, go out and have a goodtime. No don't go find a sexual partner, that's the last thing you need right now. But start doing things that you hadn't done. I started playing the guitar, okay, learning how to play the guitar. Find some groups you can become a member. Whatever interests you, just don't sit home and feel sorry. Nobody would want to be with somebody like that, so go out and have a good time. My separation rules are just a guideline for you,create what works.
Separation rules
Marital separation
Marriage Separation
Children and Divorce
Are you controlling in your relationship
Home Page
Infidelity
|
