Marital Separation, the do's and don'ts.
Let me show you the way.

Will marital separation work is the topic for today.  Let’s be completely honest, it’s not about the separation; it's about what you do while you're separated.  This is going to be a very tough and emotional drain, probably will be the hardest thing you've ever done in your entire life.

 With any luck you will come out of this a better person, hopefully with a marriage that is better than you ever dreamed.  I know this seems hard to grasp right now, but it's true.  The reason I know this is because I live that life, my wife and I lived apart for a year and a half.she wanted a trial separation, I had no choice but to agree. I will help you get through this tough period of your life, just as I had to. There are some things you need to know, things you must not do.

Remember during marital separation, less is more. Your mind and heart will tell you to do things for your spouse. This is the emotional part of you talking, and it's not correct. The best thing you can do is let them have their separation they so desire. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not recommending separation. Avoid it if you can, but if you're separated, or it is inevitable, give them their space.

When I was first separated, I sent my wife flowers, left her little cards everywhere. When we went to our next counseling session I was shocked. My wife had told the counselor that” I was courting her”. This is exactly what I was doing, but it's not what she wanted, at least at that time. These are very strange and emotional times, expect the unexpected.

It's very important for you to believe what they tell you, it's absolutely how they see it through their eyes. And that their perspective is no less valid than yours. The sooner you understand this, the quicker your relationship can turn around and head in the forward direction. I wish I would've understood this lesson much earlier than I did.

After I received that news from our counselor, I backed off.  I was told, I was calling too much, I ceased calling completely.  And of course all the flowers and cards stopped also, mainly because I was angry.  And I wasn't going to do that anymore, I'll show her I thought.  Of course this was the wrong attitude, but it's how I felt at the time.

Now, hindsight being 2020, and trust me it is.  I would have given her more space in the very beginning.  Thank God I never stalked her that would have been a big mistake.  I did cook dinner and invite her over to the house more often than I should have.  She often told me, that we weren't even separated.  You need to give them exactly what they're wanting, and a healthy dose of it.  It's the only way they will find out that it's not what they really want.

Marital Separation is it time for you to grow. 

In the meantime, you should look for friends, groups or anything else that will keep your time occupied.  I started playing the guitar, this is something I always wanted to learn, and I found myself with plenty of extra time.  Do things that are solely about you, don't look for things that you think will please them.  This is your time and it's important to take care of yourself.

You'll actually become more attractive to them as you live your life. People who are happy are attractive to other people. So don’t feel sorry for yourself.  Don't mope and don't worry about what they're doing.  None of those things will help you.

The things I'm sharing with you now are what I’ve learned through living it.  Which is also the reason I’m writing this, It's to help you see with my eyes.  I know how hard it is to find somebody who's made it through these situations.  So trust in what I tell you, give yourself a better chance of making it through your marital separation.

Marital Separation does not mean it's over.

If you run into questions, please don't hesitate to ask me.  That's what I'm here for, to help save your family and marriage.

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