How Well Does Marriage Counseling Work?
I'll let you know what worked for me.

How well does marriage counseling work ? What about online counseling, that is a million-dollar question.  I will speak from my own experiences, keeping in mind this is one man's viewpoint. I'm sure there are a lot of counselors that believe as I do. 

Keeping the family together should be the top priority.

My wife has a counselor that she has been seeing for years.  This person does marriage counseling, I think her specialties lie more towards domestic abuse.  In her defense I think she means well, but I don't believe our kids best interest were at the top of her list.

When my wife finally asked me to join, I was very eager thinking this might be what takes us in a positive direction.  My hopes were quickly shattered, when after only two visits with my wife, I was told we needed to separate.  She stated it was in our best interest.  And that my wife would need to work on herself.  Needless to say I was devastated, I didn't understand it, but if it was best I would be willing to do it.

During this period I had been reading a lot of books.  I would find information on websites and in e-books.  I stayed away from anything that looked or sounded negative.

I tried to share these things with my wife; she was uninterested in anything I had to say.  I'm sure you have found out by now, what you believe to be important they don’t find necessary.

It was like having therapy at my fingertips.  Just the words of people who understood my situation were like breathing fresh air.  I was getting marriage therapy every single night, without the cost.  More importantly it helped me understand, therapist having different opinions will have different outcomes. 

Maybe the question shouldn't be does marriage counseling work, you might ask yourself, is my counselor working.  

What I was hearing our therapist tell us, is that it doesn't have to be anyone's fault, some marriages just don't last. 

She would say things like, ‘sometimes we just grow apart’.  Don't believe this for a second, it's one of the biggest untruths I've ever heard.  There are always reasons why people grow apart; your job is to figure out yours.

It won't come to you right away, but over time you will start to see things that went unnoticed for years.  Please don't focus on your spouse; this has nothing to do with your spouse.  What you need to do, is start looking for things they  told you all long, little things, things that seemed insignificant to you at the time. 

In my relationship it was Christmas time, I always seem to be negative about Christmas. 

I'm not sure why, maybe it stems from what I saw my father do when I was a kid.  Anyway it doesn't really matter where it came from it needed fixed.  Now at Christmas, I don't complain, I help with the tree, the lights, and enjoy the family experience that I should have all along.

This is one example; there are many little things that I just didn't do along the way.  Kids are another big issue.  My wife was with the kids a lot because of my job, but this is okay because I was working right?  Wrong a very big wrong; this is the kind of thinking that will get you divorced quickly.  If you think this way also, stop doing it right away.  Forget about what you do, start appreciating what they do.  Losing the battle does not mean you lose the war.

Focus on all the things that they've done for you in the past; it will help you stay strong and focused.  If you have kids think about them, my children were probably the biggest reason that I was able to endure.  Whatever you can find to help you stay strong is okay.  Don't expect to be positive every day.  Make sure on the days that you feel hurt, jealous or just feel like giving up, you stay away from them.  Don't sabotage your efforts when your mind just isn't in the right place, it's best to stay away.

I know this is a hard fight, but it's one you must win.  To win this battle you must make yourself the best person you can possibly be, it's the only way.  You can't lose with this mindset; if you win you get your life back. Worst-case scenario you end up a better person.

So does marriage counseling work? Or does marriage counseling work for everyone? What about online counseling? A good alternative to traditional marriage counseling might be to go on a counseling retreat. It's an excellent way to rebuild the connection that will bring you both back together.

So does marriage counseling work? It all depends on who you talk with. One thing that is very clear it's better than doing nothing.

If you're still wondering does marriage counseling work? I would ask you, have you tried it yet.

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