Counseling By Yourself.
One person really can change things

It's fine to get counseling by yourself, it might be the only form of marriage counseling you have.  If your spouse or partner doesn't want anything to do with marriage counseling, it's okay.  You can help your relationship as much by yourself, sometimes more.

Again I'm speaking about my own experiences, and this may not apply to everyone.  You are probably thinking the same way I was when things weren't so good.  I felt that if she wouldn’t work with me we were doomed. 

Believe me, that is a complete opposite of the truth.  You can actually do more good by yourself, then with someone who is uncooperative.  I know you've heard the saying it takes two to tango, that's only true if you're dancing. 

The reason it only takes one person for this to work, is because you both are connected in ways you don't even realize.  Look at your marriage like a bicycle, if one tire turns clockwise the other one must also.  Once the bike heads in a forward direction it makes it much easier to steer. 

If you're not moving in a positive direction and you tried to turn the handle bars, it's likely you will fall over. Counseling by yourself is like riding a bike by yourself, sometimes it's easier. 

It will take time for things to start looking better, but it will happen if you're patient and understanding. 

If you look hard enough on the web, you will find many people claiming to have a fix-it quick scheme.  I think they will work for a short period of time, but none will last.  The only way to have a permanent fix is to change everything negative about your relationship that brought you to this point. 

This means changing the way you acted and reacted in every situation.  It's time to take a good look in the mirror; you're looking for things that will make you a better spouse.  When you change your reflection, your partner will see you a different way.

If you're telling yourself right now it wasn't your fault.  You have a lot of learning to do.  That mindset will keep you in the same spot you're at now, or worse.  And that's exactly why most marriages fail; at least one person in the relationship thinks they have no-fault. If you believe that you had nothing to do with the breakup, you will also think there's nothing for you to fix.  On the other hand if you can take responsibility for some things, I'm not talking about everything.  Well now you have something that you can change. 

Remember we can only change things that were responsible for, we have no control on what somebody else thinks or feels.  But like those bicycle tires if one starts going forward, the other one will also. 

Now if you're still wondering if counseling by yourself will work, you’re doing it now.  So how does it feel, can you feel the strength that taking responsibility gives you?

Taking responsibility is not to help them feel better.  It may do that, and there's nothing wrong with this.  It's meant to give you control of your destination.  Knowing that you can get counseling by yourself and it will change your relationship is powerful information.

So think of this advice, and if you have marriage counseling questions for me, please don't keep them to yourself.  I can use all your help, I want this website to help people and families stay together, and appreciate your support in doing that.

If you would like updates to this site, please subscribe to my blog.

Home Page

Counseling by yourself

Children in divorce

Are you Controlling

Can a separation work ?

Need advice for your marriage