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Are You A Controlling Husband?
Learn how this is giving you the opposite of what you want.
It doesn't really matter if it's a controlling husband, controlling boyfriend or a controlling wife. What does matter is you know this is a very destructive tactic. Most people are unaware that they're even being controlled, at least for a while. Lots of spouses will make excuses for the other, saying they're under stress, or they had a bad day. But this only last for so long, eventually things will come to a boil, and they will rebel. By the time this happens, there’s so much damage that had been done it can be too late. I was talking to a friend of mine just the other day. She was telling me that she thought her relationship was over. She just didn't want to be with her controlling husband anymore. He had pushed until she could not take it anymore. She went on to say that she had to check in any time she ever went anywhere. Come home to a barrage of questions. And she said to me” if only he would give me some space, things might be okay”. I asked her a question, I said, “if all of a sudden everything were perfect and your husband was exactly the way you wanted him, would you want to stay”? She replied no. I'm not sure if this is because she was just so tired and worn down that she didn't want to continue, no matter what. Or if she just didn't believe that he would ever be any other way.
This all seems sad because I know her husband is unaware of what he's doing. He thinks that he's doing right by her, protecting his family. The reason I know, I felt exactly the same way. My wife had said very similar things to me in the past. We were separated for almost a year and a half. But she still never felt like she had got her separation she wanted. I was afraid if I let her get too far away I would lose her. I was losing her because I was holding onto tight. It wasn't until I learned to let loose that she started coming closer. I was a controlling husband, and didn't even realize it. I'm sharing all this information with you, because I want you to learn from our mistakes. You’re going to have to have faith in yourself. Faith in the bond that you two still share. Our own insecurities are what make us controlling husbands in the first place. There needed to be a class that we took in high school that taught us some of these things, although I doubt whether we would have been ready. I've learned it's never too late. You can always change your path. Don't be afraid to let go. Think about this, how can anybody come back to you if you never allow them to leave? It's not until they're able to leave and get some clarity that they'll find their way back.
There were nights my wife would be going out with friends; I would just ask her to call me if she was going to be late. I didn't think this was too much to ask, but she must have. Because the more I asked, the less I got in return, she wouldn't call me at all or even answer her phone. This was going on weekend after weekend, I thought to myself several times. Why is she doing this to us and our family? I never really thought about how she was feeling. She was running away from us. I didn't realize at the time, she felt she was being controlled. If I would have known this, I might have saved myself years of heartache and pain. Instead of letting her go and experiencing, whatever she thought she needed. I tried to keep her close that was a big mistake on my part. I guess what I'm trying to explain to you is, we just need to trust and let them go. If they love you they'll be back, if they don’t love you, you’re not losing anything. If you love your spouse, stop being a controlling husband.
If there's some sort of physical or even mental abuse going on. Please seek help.
My website does not deal with physical and mental abuse. This is an area very unfamiliar to me. I do not want anybody to stay in a marriage that's dangerous.
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